Why do you think people don’t understand you and what do you find particularly challenging about the world around you? These are some of the questions Verity was called to answer during a short interview that offers a glimpse into her world and her own way of thinking.
Q: Why do you think it is difficult for people to understand you?
A: It is not difficult for them, they just don’t try. Look at my mum! Never wants to play with me. Sometimes my dad tries to enter my world, to speak to me, but he can’t see it! He can’t see my world and he kills everything. They don’t want to have fun like I do. They have all these stupid rules they follow and I hate that. All I want to do is have fun. I think people are just jealous. I’m different than them. I’m better. I’m the best. I’m going to be famous one day and everyone will love me. I communicate in my own way, through music and creating stuff in my own world. I love dancing and singing and writing and swimming but they always make me stop. They don’t want to let me have fun. They are boring. I hate boring.
Q: Why do you like water so much?
A: Water is safe and soft. When you put your head under the water you can’t hear what people are saying. And they can’t hear me. It’s like I’m in my own bubble. I’m on my own. I prefer it that way. I don’t like people much. The sound of the waves is quiet, makes me feel safe. And I feel like I’m flying. I love flying and floating and there are so many pretty colors like blue and green and silver. No one can hurt me there, no one can touch me. Water is also so much fun! I get to play in the water and I’m good at swimming. I get medals and famous from swimming, just you look and wait. I’m the queen and everybody cheers for me and I protect all the sea creatures and look after them. Plus Sister Moses hates water,she can’t reach me here!!
Q: What do you find particularly challenging in the world around you?
A: The people. They all live according to the Rules. If you don’t follow them, you are “weird”. But I can’t understand why it is weird to sing or to play with Nicky! I don’t get it why mum doesn’t allow me to play with Nicky all the time. I don’t understand why Mark bullies me, I’ve done nothing bad to him. What else? The pretending. Having to do what you’re told even if you don’t want to. I know what I want to do, but people won’t let me. Everybody is always telling me what to do. They don’t listen to me. No one wants to have fun with me. All they want to do is hurt me and say, “No, Verity! No, Verity! Don’t do that, Verity!” Everything is always “No! No! No!” Sometimes I feel like I’m in a fog … a fog of confusion where everything is wrong and there is no happiness.
Q: What makes you feel better or helps you to calm down?
A: Listening to David Bowie and playing with my blocks! I love to play with my village, there are so many horses and I keep all the people safe. Also swimming makes me calm after I cross the finish line in swimming competitions. And dad, sometimes, when Mommy is being mean to me. Also praying. I turn to God, he must understand me! If only my parents could have the same vision as Him, looking the world from above… But sometimes I have the feeling He has forgotten me and the only thing that is left is the silence.
Q: How do you feel when you’re in a hospital?
A: Lonely and abandoned. So I sing, I remember the past but then I hear those voices in my head and aaaaaaaaaah, they won’t stop! I get real scared. I try to think about nice things like swimming, but they took it all away from me …It’s like they just forgot me. They just store me away. I’m only being me, the way God made me, but they don’t like it so they put me on the shelf and pretend I don’t exist. But I do exist. I’m here. They all know I’m here, but they never visit me. They never write to me. It’s like I’m wrong somehow. But how can I be? I’m only being me! They’re the ones that are wrong, pretending to be what they aren’t and doing what they don’t want to do! I feel gutted. Why does it always have to be ME who they lock up??! Why can’t mum be sent away. OR MARK?! He’s a bad boy sometimes.I hate everything and everyone there. All they tell me is to stop and do stupid games with stupid people. I especially hate stupid Sister Moses. I hate her! She’s a shit!
Photo credits to Antti Vainio
Spyratou Dimitra is a member in Thespians Anonymous the last three years offering backstage help and coordinating the blog. The particular blog post was written in collaboration with Nina, Hosanna, Saga, Gabi and Satu who are going to play Verity on the stage of Hurjaruuth.
Olwen Wymark’s Find me is Thespians Anonymous’ play for Autumn 2016. Shows are on the 22nd, 23rd, 25th and 26th of November, 2016 in Hurjaruuth, Kaapelitehdas Tallberginkatu 1 A Helsinki. For more information visit Thespians Anonymous’ webpage or the Facebook page of the event.